Yesterday I was deeply hurt by one of my friends, the bad part is, I wasn't really shocked by their actions...it's something he/she does on a rather frequent biases. But it still hurt the same.
In response of my anger I posted something the goes a little like this on my Facebook account:
ok, i tried to practice keeping my anger in...but i really have no room in my life for opportunist that step on and over people because they so desperately need attention. Let me ask you a question...how many of you would do the things you do if no one but God was watching?
Then I said this:
I'm just having an issue with fame hores. and the last button got pushed. Now I've been doing pretty good about not getting angry and keeping my temper in check, but today. I feel like I was standing on a rug, and it was mine...because it was something personal and close to my heart. And then someone walked up and ripped it out from under me. But it will be ok, all things come around...they'll get a bite in their behind.
I see now that this was very wrong of me.
I was so angry at this person for taking my "rug", something I felt was so personal....pure, and using as another thing to put on a resume.
After calling my sister and erupting, she had to remind me that some people are just fame whores, they need somebody to look at them and give them constant attention and validation. It is those people that battle evil insecurities on a daily biases, in order to feed their addiction of attention they will step on people. They often don't really care or even think about who they hurt along the way until its to late.
Deb reminded me its those people that feed on the judgment of others that need our prayers.
So while I was still choking on my anger, I had to remind myself that God tells us to forgive. Even if it hurts, we have to forgive.
So today? Yes, I'm covered in goose bumps and so mad I feel like I could cry. But I know God knows my heart, and I know he will restore what was broken/taken. And if that person walks past me...I will never tell them how bad they hurt me, I won't expect an "I'm sorry". Maybe its because they will think that they never did anything wrong, or maybe its best for some people to learn on their own. Or maybe just maybe...its. Simply because I know one day they will have to answer to someone way more powerful and bigger then I could ever dream of being.
God, give me the strength to forgive this person and show them love and patients.
4 comments:
Juls ... my heart aches for you. Just a word of caution though ... the Bible says that when we have ought with someone, we are to go to them and solve it, not burry it. I am learning this the very, very hard way. Take my word for it ... if you don't deal with it, it will come back to haunt you. My advice, go the person in a nice calm setting and explain what they did that hurt you ... then let God do the rest, you've done your part. Just my 2 cents worth, but thought you might like to learn from someone else's mistakes.
Love ya!
Vicki
Oh, Vicki thank you so much. I really will go up to them and talk to them, but I think I need to wait until it doesn't hurt so much. I just my crack in from of this person as of right now, but I reall do thank you.
You are such a wonderful woman I am truly blessed by your friendship
I am in agreement with Vickie.
Yo may have forgiven this person but holding on to offense is a whole other story.
Been there done that and it took me two years to finally break free of the bondage of offense.
I was blaming that person for their part and felt they stole my joy but in reality it was I that robbed myself of two years of joy by holding on tightly waiting for their discipline to happen. Alabama I promise you it's not worth the pain and I missed so much time with my Lord due to my inner anger.
Love you lots take your time to find calmness in your heart first before confronting and then and only then will you find peace.
Juls ... I watched a movie last night called "Pay it Forward" (a bit disappointing, I am not recommending the entire movie), but one part stood out to me. At one moment, a woman goes to her mom and simply says, "for all the times when I was a little girl and there were men and booze, I FORGIVE YOU." The response was frightening ... the mom just nodded and said, "hmmm". No "I'm sooo sorry!" No tears. Nothing. But, the woman had freedom from forgiving. It's true what Maureen said, we are stealing time from OURSELVES when we don't forgive.
I'm walking this road with you, baby, and it's a hard one .... but thought I needed to share that story.
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