The good the bad the ugly

Christmas bring out all of these things are more in me. Like so many other posts I believe it is my duty to be real, transparent, I don't play pretend well and I'm not going to now.

I love Christmas for so many reasons. Giving praise and sing songs of thanks to our Holy Father for his son who offered his life so that we may live with grace and freedom. For he is the reason for this season (teehee i'm a poet...haha) ok i'm gonna get back to the subject. Without Jesus we would have no reason to even have Christmas, December 25th would just be another day. We give presents as maybe a reminder that its better to give then to receive. Coz really God gave right? We had nothing to give Him that He didn't already have. I'm not talking about our love and devotion, nor giving Him our hearts. I'm just saying He has never asked for us to give Him a new toy or IPOD. This is the time of the year where I'm physically blown away by God's hugs believe me after working 96 hours this week, it's only God's strength that keeps me going.

The bad part about this time of the year....I get a bit ugly ok I'll be honest I get REALLY ugly. I guess exhaustion takes over my body, heart, and mind. I take everything personally. I get so home sick that I become bitter. I hate that I will spend another Christmas with out my parents, sister and her wonderful loud house. I loath that fact that I have never ever EVER had a big loud family holiday. I squirm that my in laws are not big "yay it's Christmas people", and they never have been.

Then the overly controlling part that insets that the kids get what they asked for from Santa is under that tree even if I have to sit on the floor drinking coffee at midnight waiting for the stock personnel to unload the truck (yes, I got that Moxie doll named Avery and I only had to stay at Wal-Mart three nights to get it. I screamed like Avery will on Christmas morning after I paid for it too.)To be honest again, I do love that I am that type of mom, I love giving to my children, they give me the kisses and prayers that make me smile even on my darkest days, and if a Moxie doll is what will make Avery smile...I would go back to Wal-Mart again tonight and wait for the trucks to unload again.

I love that by living in Canada I get to have the white Christmas I dreamed about as a child. I love that my husband is strong enough to deal with my emotional roller coaster. My heart bursts with pride that God blessed me with amazing children. But there is such an ugly part of me that longs to be home. I want to laugh at the loudness of my children playing with my sisters kids. I wanna see my daddy's face when he watches for the first time; his grandchildren opening up their gifts on Christmas morning. I wanna eat my Mommy's pancakes with with loud "can you pass the butter" yells from across the table.

But being the woman God made me to be, I will praise and rejoice because I know in my heart that when you are faithful with the things God gives you...He will bless you with more, when He knows you're ready.